For most of us, dating is a battle of skills and self-respect, a practice that hinges on living up to expectations, taking risks and openly expressing self-worth. It’s like a fashion shoot for those of us in love, with our skirt pulled up and our shoulders squared, eager to showcase our best assets and make it through the runway. So, here’s our take on modern dating.

1. Be prepared

Start your relationship with the big picture in mind: Which partners do you want? What kind of a life would you have together? Knowing what you want will help you to focus on the areas in which you want to improve. Who knows? With a good partner, you might find yourself thinking, “Yup, I’m good at that.” So, don’t settle for less than that. It’s harder to accept that you’re lacking in some areas than it is to admit that you don’t really like something about yourself. If you don’t know what you want, you can waste time and fall into bad habits.

If you don’t know what you want, you can waste time and fall into bad habits.

Know your limits. If you’re already in a relationship, make sure you understand what your partner can and can’t do. If you’re romantically involved with someone, be explicit about your needs and desires, but don’t be a jerk. Keep things fun; don’t make your partner feel like she has to bend over backward to meet your every need. Set the stage from the beginning and build a relationship that’s not based on compromise. It’ll be worth it.

It’s harder to accept that you’re lacking in some areas than it is to admit that you don’t really like something about yourself.

2. Accept responsibility

If you don’t know what to do, don’t blame your parents, your school, your friends, your community or your country. There’s only one person who can change your life, and that’s you. Don’t make excuses for why you’re not in a place where you want to be. Be honest and purposeful. Ask yourself what you can do better. If you’re not comfortable with something about yourself, see it as a challenge, not as a hindrance. It might be time for a makeover.

3. Prepare your body for the world

It’s all about perception. How you look affects how people see you. So, go ahead, invest in
As you can see in our bumbling attempts at actually dating, this isn’t a book about meeting hot singlesβ€”or even a book about how to meet hot singles (we would be an amazing boyfriend for you). Instead, this book will teach you what to do when you meet a hot single.

Photos by karenmallard

To start, realize you’re not alone.

That little voice in your head is right. When it comes to dating, you’re not alone. You have to do this with someone else. You’re doing this for three to four months. You need to be brave enough to do this as a team. Although that might sound a little crazy, take comfort in knowing that everyoneβ€”including your future girlfriend or boyfriendβ€”does this. So, when you’re out there on an online dating site (or at a hot singles mixer, or when you go clubbing with friends, or when you’re out at a bar, or when you’re at a party), take a deep breath, realize that it’s not as scary as you think. It’s not nearly as difficult. It takes just as much courage to date as it does to work out. You just don’t know it.

As a support group, write down some of the things that have kept you from dating.

For example:

I don’t know how to talk to hot single women.

I’m afraid to get rejected and feel terrible.

I feel like I don’t have enough experience to date.

I’ve been burnt in the past. I’m afraid it will happen again.

I’m scared to be alone for too long.

I’m afraid of my job.

I’m afraid of what my friends will think.

I’m afraid of what my family will think.

I’m afraid of getting older.

I’m afraid I won’t find the right person.

When we’re in the world of dating, we’re in a different reality than we are at our job or when we’re at home. No one is going to judge you. No one will make fun of you. It’s not okay to be afraid. You don’t have to be perfect. You’re not perfect. You’re allowed to be afraid. You’re allowed to have mistakes. You’re allowed to fail. It’s human. It’s okay. It’s just dating. It’s not life and death. And, if you

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